"You are so Strong"

"You are so strong" is what I hear from strangers, friends and family.

What does that mean exactly?

I saw a story on the news the other day about another widow.  They called her strong too.

I do not consider what I am being as "strong".  Why not?  Because I am just doing what I have to do to make it through each day...make it through each challenge that lurks around the corner. 

This situation was forced upon me and I am just surviving. I would not say I am being strong. How can anyone be strong who has lost their spouse, their love?

Do people say this to for their own personal reassurance that if I am OK, they are OK?

People have the best of intentions, but most can never truly understand.

Resentment

I was talking to someone I'm very close to on the phone this evening and they said something that made me feel somewhat resentful.  As a matter of fact, it reminded me of other incidences in the recent past that brought similar feelings to the surface.  This particular individual was talking about a potential boyfriend/girlfriend and how what their boss had them doing in their position was very unsafe.  This person's comment [and I am paraphrasing] was that, "...especially after John's [I will call my late husband, John] accident, we need to learn to listen to our gut when things are unsafe.  It isn't right for us to jeopardize our safety just for a job." 

Now I am not an unreasonable person, and I know that this person had nothing but the most genuine of intentions, but I take a lot of offence to the idea of making an example out of my husband's "situation".  While I think it is obviously a good idea to learn from mistakes, I hate how some people are using the loss of my husband as an example of "what could happen if we're not careful."  This is my life you are making an example of.  It is my loss.  My life as I knew it (happy marriage, child, house, pets, etc.) is lost forever and you have your happiness right in front of your face. You are using the loss of everything I knew, my future, my true love, as a lesson. It doesn't seem fair that I should have to lose everything for you to learn a lesson on safety or how to not take things for granted....and I guess that is what makes me bitter about us "[learning to] live our lives to the fullest like John did". 

You should always listen to your gut, and you should live your life to the fullest everyday...not just because my husband died.

My Story

Welcome to my blog.

I thought it would be appropriate to start off by telling you my story, or the reason behind this blog.
It has been less than a year.  My husband died in an accident on the job.  He was only a young man in the prime of his life.  He left this world leaving behind a wife in her twenties and expecting their first child together. 

Where do I go from here...?
A question I continue to ask myself even now.

I need a way to cleanse my wounds, to share my thoughts, to make sense of what I can.  I need to hear encouraging words from those who have suffered loss themselves, or just want to say they care.

I must find the strength within to heal and find peace with this new life that has been forced upon me. 

This is my journey through grief.