Firsts

Raising a child means experiencing all those wonderful firsts, first smile, first roll, first words, first steps.  Little one has been doing many new things over the last several months.  It brings me so much joy to see the little monkey learning to do new things every day.  At the same time, there is a part of me that wishes I didn't have to experience them at all, because that means I am experiencing them without you. You would have been such a proud daddy. You would have had a smile plastered to your face. You would have re-played the moments again as we lay in bed together after having put the little one down for the night. You would have bragged endlessly to anyone who would stand still long enough to listen.  And here I am, witnessing these precious moments by myself when it was supposed to be the two of us, together. Something sacred has been lost in these moments that should hold so much happiness.